I just don’t get it.
I receive a monthly sum from the council, its called “DIrect Payment” and I can use the budget as I wish to fund for carers for my child who has special needs. Every 6 months I need to write out a detailed report of how the money has been spent. I usually end up tearing my hair out, as I make so many stupid mistakes. I use a yellow template sheet with lines that the council sends me “The yellow paper” “and I fill it out by hand.
Since Lockdown I haven’t filled it out because I dont have any yellow papers. The staff are all working remotely and cant send me any.
I have spoken to the staff and they have said, just put it on an excel spreadsheet. Well this is really unfair.
Don’t they realise that if they are supporting children with disabilities, that their parents will likely also have disabilities? I have ADHD (I hate boring tasks, and get muddled up with admin, that’s my working memory deficit) and Dyscalculia (numbers Dyslexia. I find numbers difficult to read, and get all muddled up.) I can just about fill in those stupid sheets… I CAN NOT EVER do it via excel. Believe me, I have tried.
I received a letter from the council last week, here is an excerpt, “We have talked to you to remind you of these conditions, but have so far received no reply (not true I spoke to the staff twice). I must therefore notify you that with an immediate effect your Direct Payments will be suspended and no further payments made to you until you have contacted us or have returned your summaries.”
What do us ADHD women tend to do in such a case?
We usually internalise that we are stupid/incompetent lazy, etc, and blame ourselves. Well this time I won’t allow myself to fall into that self-defeating trap. I made a lot of phone calls and finally found a friend who has some spare “yellow sheets”
I spent 1 hour filling out the summaries, and wasted about 10 sheets of paper in the process due to my stupid mistakes (poor working memory). I probably worked harder than most people to get those stupid forms done.
I sent it off via email (I had to scan it all in first…)
I have just left a very clear assertive message on their answer machine, that I have sent in the necessary forms, and before they suspend payment, they should FIND OUT what the problem is and offer to assist…This is a difficult time for us all.
Fellow ADHD women I have this message for you:
STOP internalising your ADHD problems. Do not ever let anyone make you feel stupid because you can’t do something. If you cant do something its NOT your fault and DO NOT let anyone make you feel stupid or worse.
Go and get help and learn how to do that skill in a way that resonates with your brain…